Thank you for this honest and raw piece of writing. I think you have described in graphic detail how so many people worldwide feel at the moment: at war with themselves. I need to read it again…
You absolutely are not writing lyrical donuts! Your last essay has been on my mind a lot, especially that line where you wrote "how can you write about anything but genocide during a genocide? It is a year later, and I still have the same questions, only amplified." Very thankful for your work -- i promise you that it is not a lyrical donut!
It's good of you to say that, Michael. And I should say here -- despite the self-absorption of my comment, lol, because you really hit a nerve and articulated something so raw for me, something I worry about with frequency myself -- neither do you! I truly do understand this warring of self. I have written about it too. Am I simply posturing as Someone Who Cares? Am I actually and meaningfully DOING enough? Or anything? Am I talking a big game about collective responsibility but ultimately I spending most of my time and energy tending to my own little ecosystem, the needs of my own family? These are questions that reverberate around my head constantly. You're not alone, and you are DEFINITELY not "evil" for having a self that grapples with all of these thorny and competing desires/needs/responsibilities.
hahah i didn't think it was self-absorbed at all, it feels appropriate to talk about ourselves especially when this essay was about grappling with ourselves :) Yes, that's so real what you're saying about collective responsibility vs. tending to one's small ecosystem. I think about this all the time too... my sense is that you aren't being hypocritical or whatever, but that the work you're doing in community and with family is prefigurative of the kind of world that we would both like to see!
Means so much coming from you! I've been really needing reminders of what a better world looks like, and I always feel like I catch a glimpse of that in your work -- so thank you for that. Appreciate you a lot.
Wow. Rona Maynard pointed me your way, and I’m glad she did. I know this conversation, this argument with self well. And it’s all right in front of us, right inside us, the pink cherry blossoms and the puddle where the beaten man had lain.
About a year ago I was out riding my bike when a very angry man decided to hit me with his truck. I remember lying on the burning hot asphalt, my blood and flesh sticking to the pavement while cops in sunglasses took notes on clipboards. They walked around me like a traffic pylon. When the paramedics lifted me onto the stretcher and into the ambulance, one of them started typing on a keyboard. Through confused tears I asked what he was writing. He turned the screen towards me and for the rest of the drive to the hospital made sure I could see everything he wrote. That was one piece of kindness from the darkest time in my life that still resonates one long year later. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Matthew, thanks so much for sharing that here. That's really touching, and it means so much that this piece could be a reminder of such a kind moment! I'm going to be thinking about this comment a lot...
Love this! I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
Thank you for this honest and raw piece of writing. I think you have described in graphic detail how so many people worldwide feel at the moment: at war with themselves. I need to read it again…
Thank you Marie!
I second all of this! I really felt it.
Oooof. My worst fear is that I am, at the end of the day, writing “lyrical donuts.”
You absolutely are not writing lyrical donuts! Your last essay has been on my mind a lot, especially that line where you wrote "how can you write about anything but genocide during a genocide? It is a year later, and I still have the same questions, only amplified." Very thankful for your work -- i promise you that it is not a lyrical donut!
It's good of you to say that, Michael. And I should say here -- despite the self-absorption of my comment, lol, because you really hit a nerve and articulated something so raw for me, something I worry about with frequency myself -- neither do you! I truly do understand this warring of self. I have written about it too. Am I simply posturing as Someone Who Cares? Am I actually and meaningfully DOING enough? Or anything? Am I talking a big game about collective responsibility but ultimately I spending most of my time and energy tending to my own little ecosystem, the needs of my own family? These are questions that reverberate around my head constantly. You're not alone, and you are DEFINITELY not "evil" for having a self that grapples with all of these thorny and competing desires/needs/responsibilities.
hahah i didn't think it was self-absorbed at all, it feels appropriate to talk about ourselves especially when this essay was about grappling with ourselves :) Yes, that's so real what you're saying about collective responsibility vs. tending to one's small ecosystem. I think about this all the time too... my sense is that you aren't being hypocritical or whatever, but that the work you're doing in community and with family is prefigurative of the kind of world that we would both like to see!
I love this piece. So relatable and so well done at the same time. Great finish even if there can be no conclusion.
Thanks Peter!
I read 100 things halfway to find the one like this. I am with you.
thank you Maggie <3 appreciate you reading
Wow wow wow. So powerful, thank you for putting words to this.
Means so much coming from you! I've been really needing reminders of what a better world looks like, and I always feel like I catch a glimpse of that in your work -- so thank you for that. Appreciate you a lot.
As a fellow human and writer waging an internal war against her own lyrical doughnuts, this resonates. Thank you.
Thank you, Alicia <3
Wow. Rona Maynard pointed me your way, and I’m glad she did. I know this conversation, this argument with self well. And it’s all right in front of us, right inside us, the pink cherry blossoms and the puddle where the beaten man had lain.
Well said Holly. Really appreciate you reaching out. Thanks so much for reading
Thank you!
About a year ago I was out riding my bike when a very angry man decided to hit me with his truck. I remember lying on the burning hot asphalt, my blood and flesh sticking to the pavement while cops in sunglasses took notes on clipboards. They walked around me like a traffic pylon. When the paramedics lifted me onto the stretcher and into the ambulance, one of them started typing on a keyboard. Through confused tears I asked what he was writing. He turned the screen towards me and for the rest of the drive to the hospital made sure I could see everything he wrote. That was one piece of kindness from the darkest time in my life that still resonates one long year later. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Matthew, thanks so much for sharing that here. That's really touching, and it means so much that this piece could be a reminder of such a kind moment! I'm going to be thinking about this comment a lot...
I loved this so much, I'll be thinking about this for a while.
appreciate you JoAnn! Thanks so much
Love this! I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
check us out:
https://thesecretingredient.substack.com