Thanks for a thoughtful read. I loved Perfect Days, but I was troubled by its representation of class and in the end I felt its spiritual message was undermined by its failure to address material conditions related to work and art. The film is a kind of meditation on the idea that a simple job (cleaning toilets) can bring satisfaction and joy if done with dedication and love. This is a spiritual message. Of course this is a job usually done by women, working-class people, migrants. In the film eventually it transpires that the main character is from a wealthy family and that he has escaped some trauma by turning to this “simple life”. Most people in the world are living the wrong life not because they fail to recognise their own talent or take joy in the everyday but because of gross inequality and exploitation. The film dodges this reality and I think its beauty is scarred by that.
“Most people in the world are living the wrong life not because they fail to recognise their own talent or take joy in the everyday but because of gross inequality and exploitation.” I don’t disagree! Thanks for reading!
You responded to Carrie just as I posted a response to her. Not surprised, but delighted at how quickly and easily you accepted her point. Thanks for writing and responding with such thought and humanity.
I have to agree with you. Like Mr Rance, MLK wrote an address to young people urging them to be the best at whatever they do, including maintenance work, if that's what they end up doing. I agree with the sentiment, like Gandhi, believing there is holiness in a real work, anything that demands concentration, effort, and makes things better. But class divisions rob the holiness of so many acts. People should generally do their own laundry, clean their own toilets, do their own maintenance, make their own art, making exchanges out of mutual appreciation not in response to power.
This is really well said. I think if I ever wrote more about 'Perfect Days', I'd probably note more of the complications concerning class in the movie. I completely agree with you and Carrie that there is a structural/economic piece missing in this analysis, but I think that would have been an entirely different essay (for better or worse), and I also wanted 'Walden' and Rachel Cusk's work to make those exact points for readers if they decided to independently check out those works. But I'm glad that you and Carrie made these points, because it was something that I was trying to bury in the piece subtly... that 'Perfect Days' is not perfect, and that Hirayama's life is a lot more complicated and difficult than maybe it appears at first glance... and maybe it's not even the right life!
class is such a trigger for me. I was a scholarship day student at an elitist boarding school. The current king of jordan was on my soccer team, had 9 bodyguards at the time if I remember correctly. I would ride my bike to school, picked tobacco farms during the summer but had no idea what he did.
Sheesh did we live different lives while sharing campus, teachers, assignments etc.
However, if I internalize that, I stay in the victim mindset rather than the creator mindset. I have plenty of reasons to see myself as a victim. I choose a creator mindset instead. I am intentionally crafting my life according to my inner integrity, and therefore, even if my talent is never developed to the place I know it could have been had my life circumstances been different, I find joy in knowing I am living the right life.
What a wonderful read. Thank you, Michael. I remember hearing a story about a woman whose final words were, “I have always thought something was wrong with my life.” I wonder how many of us carry this quiet belief, the sense that we are somehow living the wrong life? I think this feeling comes from a deep, unspoken sense of unworthiness that has been reinforced over time by our society. From an early age, we are taught that our value lies in our accomplishments, that we must constantly strive to do more, achieve more, and be more. Slowly, this belief shapes us, and we begin to live from a persistent sense of lack.
I have also discovered that there is a way to loosen the grip of these feelings. It begins with understanding that our worth does not depend on anything external. We are born worthy. When we see ourselves like flowers in a field — each one unique, beautiful, and complete — the way we relate to the world changes. We start to feel a quiet contentment, a sense that we have finally arrived. We stop comparing our lives to others because every flower blooms in its own time.
Life becomes more spacious. In that state, writing, or any creative act, ceases to be a means to an end. It becomes an expression of our nature, of the desire to share a part of ourselves with the world.
This is easier said than done, I know. It is difficult to step out of the narrative of “not being enough” or “not living the right life.” I think the first step is to recognise that these thoughts are not personal. We have inherited these stories from our society. They are real ...but are they true?
I think that if we can learn to approach life from a place of fullness and joy rather than lack, then we may discover that there was never a "wrong" life to begin with. Instead, we see that each moment, no matter how imperfect, has its own completeness, and that our worth has always been inherent, like a flower in the field. From this place of understanding, any life we live becomes the right life, simply because it is our own.
I love this and I think you’re onto something with the nature analogies. If a tree grows slightly twisted because it had a vine around it for a few years as a sapling, is that the wrong life for that tree?? If it leans to one side or holds its leaves unevenly to catch more sun, is that the wrong life for a tree?
Is the only ‘right’ life for a tree one in which is grows perfectly straight, symmetrical, in a perfect environment?
It’s easy to recognize that as obviously ridiculous. What makes trees beautiful is that they *respond* to the world around them, they exist singularly, linearly, because they cannot return and undo any of their growth even if it is somewhat unsightly or imperfect.
And what makes trees even more beautiful is (especially when you put a lot of them together), they create an absolute wealth of habitat and food for other creatures. They live WITH the world, PART of it, not separate from what surrounds them. (A whole book could be and has been written on just this part.)
There’s no wrong life for a tree. Even a tree trapped in a small square of dirt surrounded by concrete whose roots are constantly fighting asphalt is living the only life it has. It doesn’t get to start over, it would die if it was transplanted elsewhere. Its choices are thrive the best it can, responding to where it is, making the world more beautiful with food and shelter and shade, regardless of unideal circumstances, or give up and die.
How are we any different? We have no say in being born, or who we are born to. The idea that we are somehow separate enough from the world and our circumstances to unilaterally create “the right life” is absurd and completely removed from context. The right life is responding to the world, to who we are, making beauty as we can while we’re here.
Thanks! I really like the analogy of a tree. I think that in this day and age we get compared more to machines than the natural world. Your comment made me think of a quote by John Stuart Mill:
“Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly the work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces which make it a living thing.”
Ekaterina, this is a phenomenal comment and also — i want to read a whole essay or book by you about this!!! truly phenomenal, i’m going to be thinking about this for a while
That is so kind of you to say, Michael. Thank you! I do quite a bit of research in mindfulness for my work, and that’s where all of these ideas come from. During my short time on Substack, I’ve noticed that many writers struggle with feeling like their work is never enough. I thought it might be worthwhile to share a comment or two to suggest that there could be another way to see things. I'm glad it resonated with you!
Michael this essay is a brilliant analysis of how our creative pursuits are becoming increasingly a rat race, the same one that we swear we would defeat when we started writing. In my opinion, routine slightly smothers creativity and we end up creating too much of empty art if we force ourselves on a schedule. Although a healthy amount of discipline is crucial to a creative life, periodic inactivity is also essentially as important. I think it’s our obsession with productivity and eventually material success that we have brought to the table and told ourselves the story that more is better. Not living the right life? - Hustle hustle hustle.
This is exactly what ‘perfect days’ challenges. The idea that happiness is only ever attainable when one has checked all the boxes is total western nonsense. The movie informed me that to Hirayama it didn’t matter if he lived the right or wrong life, he could or couldn’t share his art with the world, because he is constantly living in the present moment which is his spiritual practice and hence he is deeply touched and moved by life and it’s unfolding without the interventions of thoughts. Hirayama is essentially like a cat who is discovering the same thing all over again tomorrow because he of his presence he is discovering something new everyday, his perception only keeps widening to the wonders of the world and that’s what overwhelms often (as at the end of the film). This also indicates that he has access to perpetual bliss and awe whenever he is paying attention to the present moment. Although his life is far from perfect as per social norms, he has abandoned the rat race for good and hence his days are far removed from the anxiety driven strife to live up to expectations and better judgments of others, hence his days are perfect nonetheless. I loved the movie, something told me that you are gonna write about it and you did. 🙂
"to Hirayama it didn’t matter if he lived the right or wrong life, he could or couldn’t share his art with the world, because he is constantly living in the present moment which is his spiritual practice and hence he is deeply touched and moved by life and it’s unfolding without the interventions of thoughts," yes exactly!! He's too busy living life to care whether or not he's living the 'right' way, or the 'wrong' way! And you're right, too, about those ideas of 'checking all the boxes' being western nonsense. They are complete nonsense. I feel the pull of those ideas so often, and I'm just so tired of them. Appreciate you as always <3 thanks for reading :)
Michael your perspective and flow of thoughts are always so intriguing and keep me thinking of certain things for a while, in this case I kept thinking of what it means to live a good life. Have you heard of susegad? I was reading about the philosophy of susegad and your essay fits beautifully into that. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susegad
Success destroys writers. The longer you go without it, the better. Rare is the talent that can survive success. The guy in this movie that you mention (which sounds great btw!) avoids people because what if they actually liked his work? What if he became a tree planting celebrity and started appearing on shows and giving talks? What if crowds showed up to each planting? It would ruin everything.
Yes, love that thought of Hirayama and the mirror world where he tries to pursue fame. It sounds so tragic and sad but it's also just the lifecycle of virality and the social media economy -- it's sad to think about all of the young artists who have been broken by that need for success, and momentary glimpse of it before crashing.
Loved your thoughts here, especially when you said "All I can focus on is the basket, and the weaving, and then setting it down on the river and allowing the water to take it." More and more I'm convinced that the only sustainable reason to write is because we enjoy the process. We have little to no control over who reads it, buys it, or is changed by it. All we have is what we're willing to put into it!
"More and more I'm convinced that the only sustainable reason to write is because we enjoy the process. We have little to no control over who reads it, buys it, or is changed by it. All we have is what we're willing to put into it!" You said it more concisely than I did! Completely agree, we have to hope that things that are created with care and love will someday find an audience, but focus on the parts of it that we can control. Thanks for reading Sarah!
Brilliant again. More more more, as you say. And I am weary of the same things.
I hadn't managed to read books with any consistency for a long while now and then in July I read one book that seemed to open the floodgates for me to go back to book reading, and now I am ravenous. Of course, the reading of books all the time has meant less time on my phone, reading Substack posts, which means (I think) less of me engaging with other writing, which means less of people engaging back, and that of course scratches the opposite side of the more more more itch you described so well. Sitting with that feeling has been uncomfortable but instructional. Do I want to go back to only reading posts online, because then some of those people will read my work and I will see those damn metrics go up (likes and shares and subscribes, oh my!) or do I want to read the long reads, the books, the slow, quiet stuff that takes days and weeks and sometimes months to finish, even if it's happening like a tree falls in the forest that no one hears?
the answer is that I want to do more of the second, and then read what I'm really drawn to read here, and if that means my numbers tick upward more slowly, or even tick downward, that's ok. I like it in the deep.
(I do of course have to caveat all this with the fact that I couldn't read at all two years ago. My brain had just about melted, and the only thing I could get through were online posts or articles. I think regular reading of Substack posts was a huge step in exercising my brain enough that it could handle books again).
"the answer is that I want to do more of the second, and then read what I'm really drawn to read here, and if that means my numbers tick upward more slowly, or even tick downward, that's ok. I like it in the deep", yes, right on!!
There really is some great writing here, and I don't want to entirely detach from the newsletters and blogs here that I enjoy, but I also sense that some of the ways I've engaged with the platform (and the internet at large!) comes from a desire to be contemporary, to know what's popular, to feel like I'm part of the broader culture, to feel less alone. Which is strange, because i usually feel the least alone (reading wise) when I'm reading physical books, especially fiction, but it's a muscle that easily atrophies when I fall under the spell of believing that all of my reading life can be online. It just really can't, I need the tactile experience of holding a book and turning pages, where reading can be a place that I enter for a brief moment before returning to real life.
For some reason (maybe because of your letter?) I really want to re-read LOTR and The Hobbit again. I think that's going to be a rainy-winter-night activity, just getting lost in middle earth again.
I agree with you - I think it’s the FOMO aspect of it, wanting to always be connected and always in on the conversation. And there is huge value in connection, but there is also huge value in having a rich inner life in your self. Separate from others.
I hope you do re-read LOTS and The Hobbit. I picked up LOTR again on a lark. Didn’t get far but I haven’t decided yet if I’ll keep reading or not. I do love the entire world he’s built.
I love this essay and I am sure it will resonate for many writers here. As a visual artist I have been lulled into the same trappings of success over the past 20 years - high productivity, robust social media presence , exhibitions and of course sales .. after “retirement “ I feel a nudging to appreciate the process and experimentation and play now - I believe I have discovered the right life ..finally!
oh i KNOW the word count game. this past summer, i did not reach my word count at all. but i did realize that i was trying to cram what few chapters i was able to scrawl into a plot format that is not working, not what i want, not the sort of novel i want to write. so that was a different sort of win. over the past year, i've turned to Deborah Levy (esp. The Cost of Living) and to Eileen Myles, whose essay on Thoreau basically gave me permission to work on a thing, fail with it, and then turn the thing into something else over time: https://agnionline.bu.edu/essay/a-walk-on-cape-cod/ (also the essay has laugh-out-loud moments, which i consider an act of grace - grace is something we should extend to ourselves.)
I haven't read that Levy one yet, adding it to my list! And wow, I just opened up that essay on Thoreau you shared and it's so up my alley, I'm really excited to read it.
'Grace' is absolutely something we should cultivate. I feel like that word could easily be a whole other essay (hell, it could probably be a book).
The problem with 'success' and the numbers game is it forces artists to pander to a system that is the opposite of what arts needs: more more more like you said, incredible financial viability and quantity over quality. It makes it absolutely impossible to feel like you're ever living the right life. In fact, I'm not sure it's possible to feel like you are living it unless you disengage with some of this narrative in all spheres of life, in real life and on social media.
More does not mean good (although of course, practice often makes way for better work). Trying too hard instead of practicing surrender makes art feel trite and inauthentic, lacking truth and vitality that fosters connection. Being unable to step back and rest makes art unsustainable and will lead you to the wrong life anyway.
Your essay is wonderful. It made me feel seen and will stay on my mind for a while, I can just tell.
This is really well said. I'm trying to resist the 'more more more' mentality, but it's so pervasive. It's also interesting that this essay, which was about attempting to decouple myself from external markers of success such as likes/shares/etc, has become my most popular piece! And so now I'm finding myself slipping into obsessing over the numbers, when that's the complete opposite of what I was trying to do! Goes to show you that as much as we individually attempt to hold our own, there are larger systems that make it challenging and almost impossible to resist and live the 'right life'.
I'm thankful for you reading, and glad that it resonated! Keep in touch.
But I think the fact that you wrote with that intent to disengage is what makes it so good? Cuz it wasn't about 'oh I wanna get x number of likes on this' and instead was (i imagine) just about your voice as an artist. And when it comes to art, nothing gathers a crowd like the truth. I mean, we're parched for it. Truth, authenticity, i- don't- give-a- fuck art.
And while you feel like you're slipping into that little numbers hole (been there, totally understand that) i think you still managed to achieve what you wanted to, even if it was just in the writing and sharing of it.
I too am tired of the rush, the pressure, the hustle, the chasing of more, the obsession with unsustainable 'growth'. Doing things not for their own sake, but because there is some result in mind. Approaching life in a transactional way, devoid of real feeling and meaning.
Great art is a reflection of deep engagement with this mysterious experience we call life, an authentic and unhurried expression of our selves within this intangible web, sometimes beautiful and sometimes painful.
"But the wrong life strikes me as a thing of degrees, where you can be living some form of the wrong life while also doing things that are clearly part of the good life. That’s what I’ve begun to see in myself; a prevailing funny feeling that I’m not living in the right way, even though I am doing many of the things that ought to bring me joy." - I relate to this massively. In fact, today, in an attempt to try to correct this a little bit, I'm unplugging my Internet router and stowing it away in a cupboard, so that whenever I absolutely have to use the Internet I have to dig it out and go through the ordeal of setting it back up. Hopefully it'll give me back some of the hours I keep losing to the scroll!
This is the first I've ever seen of your work, but I enjoyed this piece a lot. Also, Walden <3
Jacob, that brings me so much joy!! I'm so glad that you're finding your own way to reclaim your hours and live a bit more deliberately. Let me know how it goes -- I'm excited to hear about it. And yes, Walden forever <3
This was wonderful. Tell me why your last line nearly made me cry?! I loved all these thoughts and the way you linked them. The thoughts of right life/wrong life resonate so much. We have discussed this briefly on notes once - but nothing screams wrong life than long term illness, and completely encourages an existential crisis of this is not the right life for me. But ultimately, over lots of time and therapy, I had to learn how to see bits of good and allow right & wrong life to merge together into just life. That is not to say I don’t panic often about the trajectory of my life that I have pretty minimal control over. Having to change my dreams & goals is a whole other aspect that I haven’t been able to come to terms with yet. Sometimes being in denial feels like you can trick your brain into ‘we will get to the right life soon’.
I must watch Perfect Days now! Thanks for this essay, it was so good!!
"over lots of time and therapy, I had to learn how to see bits of good and allow right & wrong life to merge together into just life," I think that's such a healthy perspective to bring to your life. It reminds me of the Steinbeck quote, from East of Eden; "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." Perfection, or even fully meeting the 'right life', are impossible aims, and endlessly going for them will drive a person mad! The only thing that a person can do is live their life, and living in a way that is close to what feels right to them. It sounds like you do a good job with that, probably better than I do!
And yes, it's such a lovely but quiet movie, I think you'll like it! And i'm excited to hear what you think about Transit :))
What a brilliantly beautiful essay. Thank you for sharing this.
The paragraph of wishing to be stronger than an empire or even a silly little app, and the admission of not — powerful! I feel the same. Getting lost in the numbers feels both wrong, and yet inexplicably convincing at the same time. We strive to make an impact, to reach out and feel connected. But something inside reminds us that we already are, and the numbers are only there to satisfy some superficial longing of an egoic illusion.
Thanks for a thoughtful read. I loved Perfect Days, but I was troubled by its representation of class and in the end I felt its spiritual message was undermined by its failure to address material conditions related to work and art. The film is a kind of meditation on the idea that a simple job (cleaning toilets) can bring satisfaction and joy if done with dedication and love. This is a spiritual message. Of course this is a job usually done by women, working-class people, migrants. In the film eventually it transpires that the main character is from a wealthy family and that he has escaped some trauma by turning to this “simple life”. Most people in the world are living the wrong life not because they fail to recognise their own talent or take joy in the everyday but because of gross inequality and exploitation. The film dodges this reality and I think its beauty is scarred by that.
Thoughtful comment!
“Most people in the world are living the wrong life not because they fail to recognise their own talent or take joy in the everyday but because of gross inequality and exploitation.” I don’t disagree! Thanks for reading!
You responded to Carrie just as I posted a response to her. Not surprised, but delighted at how quickly and easily you accepted her point. Thanks for writing and responding with such thought and humanity.
I have to agree with you. Like Mr Rance, MLK wrote an address to young people urging them to be the best at whatever they do, including maintenance work, if that's what they end up doing. I agree with the sentiment, like Gandhi, believing there is holiness in a real work, anything that demands concentration, effort, and makes things better. But class divisions rob the holiness of so many acts. People should generally do their own laundry, clean their own toilets, do their own maintenance, make their own art, making exchanges out of mutual appreciation not in response to power.
This is really well said. I think if I ever wrote more about 'Perfect Days', I'd probably note more of the complications concerning class in the movie. I completely agree with you and Carrie that there is a structural/economic piece missing in this analysis, but I think that would have been an entirely different essay (for better or worse), and I also wanted 'Walden' and Rachel Cusk's work to make those exact points for readers if they decided to independently check out those works. But I'm glad that you and Carrie made these points, because it was something that I was trying to bury in the piece subtly... that 'Perfect Days' is not perfect, and that Hirayama's life is a lot more complicated and difficult than maybe it appears at first glance... and maybe it's not even the right life!
Understood. It is a pleasure running into you. Makes me glad I fought off my adamant anti-social media stance to jump into this here Substack.
i’m also ‘anti social media’ but i’m glad that i ignored that for this newsletter, especially for conversations like this!!
class is such a trigger for me. I was a scholarship day student at an elitist boarding school. The current king of jordan was on my soccer team, had 9 bodyguards at the time if I remember correctly. I would ride my bike to school, picked tobacco farms during the summer but had no idea what he did.
Sheesh did we live different lives while sharing campus, teachers, assignments etc.
I'm so intrigued... would love to read something about that!!
However, if I internalize that, I stay in the victim mindset rather than the creator mindset. I have plenty of reasons to see myself as a victim. I choose a creator mindset instead. I am intentionally crafting my life according to my inner integrity, and therefore, even if my talent is never developed to the place I know it could have been had my life circumstances been different, I find joy in knowing I am living the right life.
What a wonderful read. Thank you, Michael. I remember hearing a story about a woman whose final words were, “I have always thought something was wrong with my life.” I wonder how many of us carry this quiet belief, the sense that we are somehow living the wrong life? I think this feeling comes from a deep, unspoken sense of unworthiness that has been reinforced over time by our society. From an early age, we are taught that our value lies in our accomplishments, that we must constantly strive to do more, achieve more, and be more. Slowly, this belief shapes us, and we begin to live from a persistent sense of lack.
I have also discovered that there is a way to loosen the grip of these feelings. It begins with understanding that our worth does not depend on anything external. We are born worthy. When we see ourselves like flowers in a field — each one unique, beautiful, and complete — the way we relate to the world changes. We start to feel a quiet contentment, a sense that we have finally arrived. We stop comparing our lives to others because every flower blooms in its own time.
Life becomes more spacious. In that state, writing, or any creative act, ceases to be a means to an end. It becomes an expression of our nature, of the desire to share a part of ourselves with the world.
This is easier said than done, I know. It is difficult to step out of the narrative of “not being enough” or “not living the right life.” I think the first step is to recognise that these thoughts are not personal. We have inherited these stories from our society. They are real ...but are they true?
I think that if we can learn to approach life from a place of fullness and joy rather than lack, then we may discover that there was never a "wrong" life to begin with. Instead, we see that each moment, no matter how imperfect, has its own completeness, and that our worth has always been inherent, like a flower in the field. From this place of understanding, any life we live becomes the right life, simply because it is our own.
I love this and I think you’re onto something with the nature analogies. If a tree grows slightly twisted because it had a vine around it for a few years as a sapling, is that the wrong life for that tree?? If it leans to one side or holds its leaves unevenly to catch more sun, is that the wrong life for a tree?
Is the only ‘right’ life for a tree one in which is grows perfectly straight, symmetrical, in a perfect environment?
It’s easy to recognize that as obviously ridiculous. What makes trees beautiful is that they *respond* to the world around them, they exist singularly, linearly, because they cannot return and undo any of their growth even if it is somewhat unsightly or imperfect.
And what makes trees even more beautiful is (especially when you put a lot of them together), they create an absolute wealth of habitat and food for other creatures. They live WITH the world, PART of it, not separate from what surrounds them. (A whole book could be and has been written on just this part.)
There’s no wrong life for a tree. Even a tree trapped in a small square of dirt surrounded by concrete whose roots are constantly fighting asphalt is living the only life it has. It doesn’t get to start over, it would die if it was transplanted elsewhere. Its choices are thrive the best it can, responding to where it is, making the world more beautiful with food and shelter and shade, regardless of unideal circumstances, or give up and die.
How are we any different? We have no say in being born, or who we are born to. The idea that we are somehow separate enough from the world and our circumstances to unilaterally create “the right life” is absurd and completely removed from context. The right life is responding to the world, to who we are, making beauty as we can while we’re here.
Thanks! I really like the analogy of a tree. I think that in this day and age we get compared more to machines than the natural world. Your comment made me think of a quote by John Stuart Mill:
“Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly the work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces which make it a living thing.”
Ekaterina, this is a phenomenal comment and also — i want to read a whole essay or book by you about this!!! truly phenomenal, i’m going to be thinking about this for a while
That is so kind of you to say, Michael. Thank you! I do quite a bit of research in mindfulness for my work, and that’s where all of these ideas come from. During my short time on Substack, I’ve noticed that many writers struggle with feeling like their work is never enough. I thought it might be worthwhile to share a comment or two to suggest that there could be another way to see things. I'm glad it resonated with you!
Michael this essay is a brilliant analysis of how our creative pursuits are becoming increasingly a rat race, the same one that we swear we would defeat when we started writing. In my opinion, routine slightly smothers creativity and we end up creating too much of empty art if we force ourselves on a schedule. Although a healthy amount of discipline is crucial to a creative life, periodic inactivity is also essentially as important. I think it’s our obsession with productivity and eventually material success that we have brought to the table and told ourselves the story that more is better. Not living the right life? - Hustle hustle hustle.
This is exactly what ‘perfect days’ challenges. The idea that happiness is only ever attainable when one has checked all the boxes is total western nonsense. The movie informed me that to Hirayama it didn’t matter if he lived the right or wrong life, he could or couldn’t share his art with the world, because he is constantly living in the present moment which is his spiritual practice and hence he is deeply touched and moved by life and it’s unfolding without the interventions of thoughts. Hirayama is essentially like a cat who is discovering the same thing all over again tomorrow because he of his presence he is discovering something new everyday, his perception only keeps widening to the wonders of the world and that’s what overwhelms often (as at the end of the film). This also indicates that he has access to perpetual bliss and awe whenever he is paying attention to the present moment. Although his life is far from perfect as per social norms, he has abandoned the rat race for good and hence his days are far removed from the anxiety driven strife to live up to expectations and better judgments of others, hence his days are perfect nonetheless. I loved the movie, something told me that you are gonna write about it and you did. 🙂
"to Hirayama it didn’t matter if he lived the right or wrong life, he could or couldn’t share his art with the world, because he is constantly living in the present moment which is his spiritual practice and hence he is deeply touched and moved by life and it’s unfolding without the interventions of thoughts," yes exactly!! He's too busy living life to care whether or not he's living the 'right' way, or the 'wrong' way! And you're right, too, about those ideas of 'checking all the boxes' being western nonsense. They are complete nonsense. I feel the pull of those ideas so often, and I'm just so tired of them. Appreciate you as always <3 thanks for reading :)
Michael your perspective and flow of thoughts are always so intriguing and keep me thinking of certain things for a while, in this case I kept thinking of what it means to live a good life. Have you heard of susegad? I was reading about the philosophy of susegad and your essay fits beautifully into that. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susegad
I haven't!! I'm going to read more about this asap, thanks friend!!
Welcome friend 💜
Success destroys writers. The longer you go without it, the better. Rare is the talent that can survive success. The guy in this movie that you mention (which sounds great btw!) avoids people because what if they actually liked his work? What if he became a tree planting celebrity and started appearing on shows and giving talks? What if crowds showed up to each planting? It would ruin everything.
Yes, love that thought of Hirayama and the mirror world where he tries to pursue fame. It sounds so tragic and sad but it's also just the lifecycle of virality and the social media economy -- it's sad to think about all of the young artists who have been broken by that need for success, and momentary glimpse of it before crashing.
Loved your thoughts here, especially when you said "All I can focus on is the basket, and the weaving, and then setting it down on the river and allowing the water to take it." More and more I'm convinced that the only sustainable reason to write is because we enjoy the process. We have little to no control over who reads it, buys it, or is changed by it. All we have is what we're willing to put into it!
"More and more I'm convinced that the only sustainable reason to write is because we enjoy the process. We have little to no control over who reads it, buys it, or is changed by it. All we have is what we're willing to put into it!" You said it more concisely than I did! Completely agree, we have to hope that things that are created with care and love will someday find an audience, but focus on the parts of it that we can control. Thanks for reading Sarah!
Brilliant again. More more more, as you say. And I am weary of the same things.
I hadn't managed to read books with any consistency for a long while now and then in July I read one book that seemed to open the floodgates for me to go back to book reading, and now I am ravenous. Of course, the reading of books all the time has meant less time on my phone, reading Substack posts, which means (I think) less of me engaging with other writing, which means less of people engaging back, and that of course scratches the opposite side of the more more more itch you described so well. Sitting with that feeling has been uncomfortable but instructional. Do I want to go back to only reading posts online, because then some of those people will read my work and I will see those damn metrics go up (likes and shares and subscribes, oh my!) or do I want to read the long reads, the books, the slow, quiet stuff that takes days and weeks and sometimes months to finish, even if it's happening like a tree falls in the forest that no one hears?
the answer is that I want to do more of the second, and then read what I'm really drawn to read here, and if that means my numbers tick upward more slowly, or even tick downward, that's ok. I like it in the deep.
(I do of course have to caveat all this with the fact that I couldn't read at all two years ago. My brain had just about melted, and the only thing I could get through were online posts or articles. I think regular reading of Substack posts was a huge step in exercising my brain enough that it could handle books again).
"the answer is that I want to do more of the second, and then read what I'm really drawn to read here, and if that means my numbers tick upward more slowly, or even tick downward, that's ok. I like it in the deep", yes, right on!!
There really is some great writing here, and I don't want to entirely detach from the newsletters and blogs here that I enjoy, but I also sense that some of the ways I've engaged with the platform (and the internet at large!) comes from a desire to be contemporary, to know what's popular, to feel like I'm part of the broader culture, to feel less alone. Which is strange, because i usually feel the least alone (reading wise) when I'm reading physical books, especially fiction, but it's a muscle that easily atrophies when I fall under the spell of believing that all of my reading life can be online. It just really can't, I need the tactile experience of holding a book and turning pages, where reading can be a place that I enter for a brief moment before returning to real life.
For some reason (maybe because of your letter?) I really want to re-read LOTR and The Hobbit again. I think that's going to be a rainy-winter-night activity, just getting lost in middle earth again.
I agree with you - I think it’s the FOMO aspect of it, wanting to always be connected and always in on the conversation. And there is huge value in connection, but there is also huge value in having a rich inner life in your self. Separate from others.
I hope you do re-read LOTS and The Hobbit. I picked up LOTR again on a lark. Didn’t get far but I haven’t decided yet if I’ll keep reading or not. I do love the entire world he’s built.
I love this essay and I am sure it will resonate for many writers here. As a visual artist I have been lulled into the same trappings of success over the past 20 years - high productivity, robust social media presence , exhibitions and of course sales .. after “retirement “ I feel a nudging to appreciate the process and experimentation and play now - I believe I have discovered the right life ..finally!
I'm so glad that you're discovering the right life for you, that's lovely. Thanks so much for reading, Heather!!
oh i KNOW the word count game. this past summer, i did not reach my word count at all. but i did realize that i was trying to cram what few chapters i was able to scrawl into a plot format that is not working, not what i want, not the sort of novel i want to write. so that was a different sort of win. over the past year, i've turned to Deborah Levy (esp. The Cost of Living) and to Eileen Myles, whose essay on Thoreau basically gave me permission to work on a thing, fail with it, and then turn the thing into something else over time: https://agnionline.bu.edu/essay/a-walk-on-cape-cod/ (also the essay has laugh-out-loud moments, which i consider an act of grace - grace is something we should extend to ourselves.)
I haven't read that Levy one yet, adding it to my list! And wow, I just opened up that essay on Thoreau you shared and it's so up my alley, I'm really excited to read it.
'Grace' is absolutely something we should cultivate. I feel like that word could easily be a whole other essay (hell, it could probably be a book).
The problem with 'success' and the numbers game is it forces artists to pander to a system that is the opposite of what arts needs: more more more like you said, incredible financial viability and quantity over quality. It makes it absolutely impossible to feel like you're ever living the right life. In fact, I'm not sure it's possible to feel like you are living it unless you disengage with some of this narrative in all spheres of life, in real life and on social media.
More does not mean good (although of course, practice often makes way for better work). Trying too hard instead of practicing surrender makes art feel trite and inauthentic, lacking truth and vitality that fosters connection. Being unable to step back and rest makes art unsustainable and will lead you to the wrong life anyway.
Your essay is wonderful. It made me feel seen and will stay on my mind for a while, I can just tell.
This is really well said. I'm trying to resist the 'more more more' mentality, but it's so pervasive. It's also interesting that this essay, which was about attempting to decouple myself from external markers of success such as likes/shares/etc, has become my most popular piece! And so now I'm finding myself slipping into obsessing over the numbers, when that's the complete opposite of what I was trying to do! Goes to show you that as much as we individually attempt to hold our own, there are larger systems that make it challenging and almost impossible to resist and live the 'right life'.
I'm thankful for you reading, and glad that it resonated! Keep in touch.
But I think the fact that you wrote with that intent to disengage is what makes it so good? Cuz it wasn't about 'oh I wanna get x number of likes on this' and instead was (i imagine) just about your voice as an artist. And when it comes to art, nothing gathers a crowd like the truth. I mean, we're parched for it. Truth, authenticity, i- don't- give-a- fuck art.
And while you feel like you're slipping into that little numbers hole (been there, totally understand that) i think you still managed to achieve what you wanted to, even if it was just in the writing and sharing of it.
Gorgeous.
The writing. The message. The reflection.
Moving.
thanks, Richie!
I too am tired of the rush, the pressure, the hustle, the chasing of more, the obsession with unsustainable 'growth'. Doing things not for their own sake, but because there is some result in mind. Approaching life in a transactional way, devoid of real feeling and meaning.
Great art is a reflection of deep engagement with this mysterious experience we call life, an authentic and unhurried expression of our selves within this intangible web, sometimes beautiful and sometimes painful.
beautifully put, Amy!!
This is beautiful. Thank you for not keeping your saplings and photographs to yourself - they are appreciated here.
this is a really lovely note, thank you Ivy.
"But the wrong life strikes me as a thing of degrees, where you can be living some form of the wrong life while also doing things that are clearly part of the good life. That’s what I’ve begun to see in myself; a prevailing funny feeling that I’m not living in the right way, even though I am doing many of the things that ought to bring me joy." - I relate to this massively. In fact, today, in an attempt to try to correct this a little bit, I'm unplugging my Internet router and stowing it away in a cupboard, so that whenever I absolutely have to use the Internet I have to dig it out and go through the ordeal of setting it back up. Hopefully it'll give me back some of the hours I keep losing to the scroll!
This is the first I've ever seen of your work, but I enjoyed this piece a lot. Also, Walden <3
Jacob, that brings me so much joy!! I'm so glad that you're finding your own way to reclaim your hours and live a bit more deliberately. Let me know how it goes -- I'm excited to hear about it. And yes, Walden forever <3
This was wonderful. Tell me why your last line nearly made me cry?! I loved all these thoughts and the way you linked them. The thoughts of right life/wrong life resonate so much. We have discussed this briefly on notes once - but nothing screams wrong life than long term illness, and completely encourages an existential crisis of this is not the right life for me. But ultimately, over lots of time and therapy, I had to learn how to see bits of good and allow right & wrong life to merge together into just life. That is not to say I don’t panic often about the trajectory of my life that I have pretty minimal control over. Having to change my dreams & goals is a whole other aspect that I haven’t been able to come to terms with yet. Sometimes being in denial feels like you can trick your brain into ‘we will get to the right life soon’.
I must watch Perfect Days now! Thanks for this essay, it was so good!!
"over lots of time and therapy, I had to learn how to see bits of good and allow right & wrong life to merge together into just life," I think that's such a healthy perspective to bring to your life. It reminds me of the Steinbeck quote, from East of Eden; "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." Perfection, or even fully meeting the 'right life', are impossible aims, and endlessly going for them will drive a person mad! The only thing that a person can do is live their life, and living in a way that is close to what feels right to them. It sounds like you do a good job with that, probably better than I do!
And yes, it's such a lovely but quiet movie, I think you'll like it! And i'm excited to hear what you think about Transit :))
Wow. Your writing is beautiful. Substack recommended this article to me- Subscribing now!
Thanks Lisa, that's so kind of you :)
What a brilliantly beautiful essay. Thank you for sharing this.
The paragraph of wishing to be stronger than an empire or even a silly little app, and the admission of not — powerful! I feel the same. Getting lost in the numbers feels both wrong, and yet inexplicably convincing at the same time. We strive to make an impact, to reach out and feel connected. But something inside reminds us that we already are, and the numbers are only there to satisfy some superficial longing of an egoic illusion.
Thank you!