Michael you are back on substack?! I am glad you are here. I am yet to read this piece fully but reading the premise itself gave enough glimpses of the beauty it holds. Welcome back and thank you for writing so much humanity. Sorrow is as much a part of us as is happiness and we need to hold both of them with the tenderness of a parent holding a baby. Take care of yourself bright soul 💜
I live in Atlanta and spend an atrocious amount on rent, though probably not as much as you considering you live in New York :) I felt a lot of guilt the past year whenever I was not spending a weekend outside or didn't have concrete plans, and was an overstimulated mess with bursts of manic energy the exact way you described, wanting to make 'as much of my youth' as I can. I think I'm in the backslide phase now where I'm finding it difficult to sit with my thoughts the way I used to years ago. Yet I find it impossible to move forward without getting through this difficult phase.
Very happy to have found your blog and thanks for writing this.
there must be so many of us who have gone through that same FOMO or 'wanting to make as much of youth as possible'. I was so miserable when i was trying to do EVERYTHING, it was the classic example of trying to do everything morphing into being unable to do anything.
I hope you're able to figure out how to sit with your thoughts in the way you used to! Really appreciate you reaching out and reading -- keep in touch!
Michael I finally found the time and energy to give to this piece because it demands so. I am astounded at your clarity and ability to interrogate all that is broken with modern cities, technology, politics, hustle culture in one essay while beautifully juxtaposing it with Vincent’s letter to Theo. Only yesterday I finished watching At Eternity’s Gate and I was quietly wondering on the artist’s suffering alchemized to pure gold because he established the focused discipline to sit and finish his work. I completely agree with you, writing and reading is the only antidote to a depressed writer, just as much painting was for Van Gogh.
The quiet numbness of the yesterdays will softly blend into the hopefulness of tomorrow and in between we will be present with the gift of now - the only time when we are truly alive. I am over here present alongside you being sorrowful yet rejoicing watching the birds fly home in the evening. (The geese that you talked about also reminded of ‘Wild geese’ by Mary Oliver)
Oh it's so nice hearing from you!! What did you think of Eternity's Gate? I haven't watched it yet, but it's on my list -- I was hoping to watch all of the movies/tv shows about Vincent, for a possible future newsletter... I love your thoughts on the duality of sorrow and joy, i think Vincent would be proud :)
i need to watch it!! I have like seven different movies about Van Gogh that i’ve been meaning to watch. I’d really love to get back to writing about Van Gogh, hopefully in some future essays… :)
This is gorgeous and thoughtful. I was nodding along to so much , but especially the list of ‘excuses’ I give for why I don’t read and write as much as I want. I felt very in this with you, in that so much was relatable.
This piece is so beautiful, Michael! I love your point about reading being an end in itself and how hard it is to prioritise doing anything creative when we’re pushed to be visibly busy
oh thank you Lala, it’s so nice having you here! been loving what you’ve written as of late. honestly this essay of mine feels extremely far away haha, i’m trying to get back to the place where i can both be sorrowful and rejoicing (and not just mad and frustrated all the time). world events are making this extremely hard at the moment! not to mention the heat (callback to your piece!!!)
Michael you are back on substack?! I am glad you are here. I am yet to read this piece fully but reading the premise itself gave enough glimpses of the beauty it holds. Welcome back and thank you for writing so much humanity. Sorrow is as much a part of us as is happiness and we need to hold both of them with the tenderness of a parent holding a baby. Take care of yourself bright soul 💜
Swarnali!! Indeed i have returned. It’s so nice seeing you here, you’ve been in my thoughts. Thinking of you ❤️
LOVED this piece!!!
thank you Isabella :) appreciate you!
Loved this one. Thanks
oh thank you :)
Love your writing. Thank you so much for this, from another depressed writer aiming to accept the sorrow and find simple joy even still ♥️
thank you for this!! i hope you're doing well!
I live in Atlanta and spend an atrocious amount on rent, though probably not as much as you considering you live in New York :) I felt a lot of guilt the past year whenever I was not spending a weekend outside or didn't have concrete plans, and was an overstimulated mess with bursts of manic energy the exact way you described, wanting to make 'as much of my youth' as I can. I think I'm in the backslide phase now where I'm finding it difficult to sit with my thoughts the way I used to years ago. Yet I find it impossible to move forward without getting through this difficult phase.
Very happy to have found your blog and thanks for writing this.
there must be so many of us who have gone through that same FOMO or 'wanting to make as much of youth as possible'. I was so miserable when i was trying to do EVERYTHING, it was the classic example of trying to do everything morphing into being unable to do anything.
I hope you're able to figure out how to sit with your thoughts in the way you used to! Really appreciate you reaching out and reading -- keep in touch!
Incredible to read something where I deeply agree with so many of the perspectives. Beautiful writing.
i’m so glad that it resonated! thanks for reading!!
thank you for writing this, and for sharing it. You’re definitely not alone.
Thank you Natalie!
Michael I finally found the time and energy to give to this piece because it demands so. I am astounded at your clarity and ability to interrogate all that is broken with modern cities, technology, politics, hustle culture in one essay while beautifully juxtaposing it with Vincent’s letter to Theo. Only yesterday I finished watching At Eternity’s Gate and I was quietly wondering on the artist’s suffering alchemized to pure gold because he established the focused discipline to sit and finish his work. I completely agree with you, writing and reading is the only antidote to a depressed writer, just as much painting was for Van Gogh.
The quiet numbness of the yesterdays will softly blend into the hopefulness of tomorrow and in between we will be present with the gift of now - the only time when we are truly alive. I am over here present alongside you being sorrowful yet rejoicing watching the birds fly home in the evening. (The geese that you talked about also reminded of ‘Wild geese’ by Mary Oliver)
Oh it's so nice hearing from you!! What did you think of Eternity's Gate? I haven't watched it yet, but it's on my list -- I was hoping to watch all of the movies/tv shows about Vincent, for a possible future newsletter... I love your thoughts on the duality of sorrow and joy, i think Vincent would be proud :)
Oh yes it was a beautiful movie. Willem Dafoe gave his everything to this role. I did not for a second doubted that he wasn’t Vincent.
I would love to know what more you learned from van gogh in your time of observing his life and art.
I hope you are able to find moments of peaceful solitude and grace in midst of the mundane 💜
i need to watch it!! I have like seven different movies about Van Gogh that i’ve been meaning to watch. I’d really love to get back to writing about Van Gogh, hopefully in some future essays… :)
I shall look forward to it and also to know all the other movies that you watched, I loved Loving Vincent as well
This is gorgeous and thoughtful. I was nodding along to so much , but especially the list of ‘excuses’ I give for why I don’t read and write as much as I want. I felt very in this with you, in that so much was relatable.
Thanks Noha! Yeah when I started writing out those excuses, i found that i could have had at least a dozen more lol.
Love Weemoed.
Loved this piece!
Thank you Kristin!!
This reverberated through my soul. Very well done, friend.
Thank you, my friend!
Gute!
A wonderful and loving piece, Michael. Tchüss to you as well. Alles gut.
Vielen dank, Marcello! It’s nice having you here!
This piece is so beautiful, Michael! I love your point about reading being an end in itself and how hard it is to prioritise doing anything creative when we’re pushed to be visibly busy
oh thank you Lala, it’s so nice having you here! been loving what you’ve written as of late. honestly this essay of mine feels extremely far away haha, i’m trying to get back to the place where i can both be sorrowful and rejoicing (and not just mad and frustrated all the time). world events are making this extremely hard at the moment! not to mention the heat (callback to your piece!!!)