Michael, I loved this so much, as I love just about everything you write. Happy 31st on the 31st. When you described the flatness and the depression and the general malaise I could have sworn you were describing the way I'd been feeling, but much more poetically than I can.
I think you're right about the need to find beauty, even in the ugliness that some humans push on the rest of us. And on seeing so much further and deeper than the binaries.
Really, reading this was like a warm blanket that somehow also gave my brain a workout. You are very thoughtful and I love having a window into your thoughts.
“And they didn’t need to run all over the world to see: they could see everything from just one place.” And in this I also hear that I don’t need to absorb the news, every little detail, from every corner of the world. I can tend to my tiny corner of the universe and know all of it, the ugly and the beautiful and the in between.
Happy birthday, Michael. It is astonishing how much we can hold all at the same time. And how beautiful to be able to express what's weighing on you so movingly.
This is beyond beautiful my friend. Although you are sifting through melancholy on your 31st year around our magnificent sun, I am still so grateful to have known you. To this and many more years to come, to beauty and ugliness blended into this one wild life we live, to the mayan gods and their beautiful people (likes of you) - I say, there will be light.
Also to “Where oh where is that beautiful world? Where should I look? How can I become the kind of person who can see in the dark?” I don’t know if its the answer you will be happy to explore but how about - right within you, just close your eyes and you will see all the light and beauty that you couldn’t with your eyes open.
this makes me happy, thank you :') And I agree about looking inside oneself. I'm trying my balance out self-reflection and introspection with a gaze that looks out to the world, because I can absolutely become a hermit if I allow myself to reflect too long haha
Yeah you are right. I tend to feel like home in the state of hermitage haha maybe that’s why I think it’s always the place I go back to when the crookedness of the world overwhelms me. But I love your suggestion of looking at the past and the way of our ancestors too - aren’t they the ones who lived through all the beauty and horror of what life offered them. I want that too, that strength and wisdom.
Happy (belated) golden birthday ✨ January can be a really tough month and I, for one, often fall victim to an extra dose of malaise around my birthday. I hope the weight starts to lift and the small moments of beauty that you find start to add up. Keep looking for the good stuff.
yeah i get so lethargic around my bday, it’s wild how a day that is supposed to be a celebration of oneself actually just becomes a conduit for self-loathing lol. I’m hopeful that the weight will start to lift! honestly, coffee is keeping me going…
I really love your writing Michael and I’ve come to look forward to new posts. Thank you. This was beautiful. I’m just surfacing from a gloom too, the feeling of pointlessness, particularly, was heavy. We have to keep looking for it, don’t we? My own personal phrase is “look up”, I don’t know why but it helps me. I try to keep it quick because I’m also finding too much introspection, for me, can be knee-capping. And I need my knees because I’m going to Scotland in April where there’s walks to walk and a giant sky to see! Happy Birthday. Keep going.
Leah, this is so nice — thank you!! I hope that you’ve fully emerged from that bout of gloom — or are at least nearly fully out of it. And i actually really agree about there being such a thing as too much introspection — self reflection is great, but we should also be primarily looking past ourselves and at the wider world… i’m thankful for you reading and appreciate the kind words so much!!
Happy birthday!! I’m reading Sartre for the first time (Nausea) and some of the feelings in here seem related - that said, January was a brutal month and I hope the axis shifts a bit for you!!
It's a lot FUNNIER than I expected, actually, but nothing is really propelling you through it (I put it down for like 2 months and then picked it back up, not sure how long it'll take).
but an earnest example to me of finding beauty is how hard i laughed yesterday at karla sofia gascon’s racist tweets, which are so outlandishly whimsical and evil they seem to transcend any easy cultural archetype we have
and that’s like lol but it reminds me that i think a good thing about “right now” is that things move fast and “types” and classic problems become a little more novel a little faster than they used to. there are always surprises, be it in how ai is able to fool certain people when to us (normal) it is so aesthetically and pragmatically ridiculous…. it unveils differences between the ways people think in the now. i have very little apocalyptic depression about culture right now (i save that for thinking about myself) and i would describe my reaction to everything more as awe. like wow this is so much dumber than i think anyone ever thought possible. i feel certain, not really at all hopeful, that this total breakdown in epistemologies will beget new worlds. and i’d rather have that than have it be boring in the old ways forever.
wow i hadn't read those tweets until you mentioned them, but christ they're like comically racist, it's absurd. But i actually like how you've framed some of the good things about now. It does feel like we've been on this merry go round, and suddenly it's speeding up and you're watching tons of people being flung from it -- the hopeful thing about that metaphor is that the machine will break, and it totally feels like the old boring ways of doing things culturally are breaking. Of course, i don't want people being legitimately hurt because of that (duh), but it's important that parts of this culture get broken down. I'm reminded of a thing you wrote recently where you mentioned EEAAO and how ~stupid~ the cultural moment surrounding that movie was, and it's genuinely a good thing that the culture of 'just let people enjoy things waah wahhh' is dying, because that mindset was such a sign of cultural decay and unseriousness!! Gotta break some of these things
Michael, I loved this so much, as I love just about everything you write. Happy 31st on the 31st. When you described the flatness and the depression and the general malaise I could have sworn you were describing the way I'd been feeling, but much more poetically than I can.
I think you're right about the need to find beauty, even in the ugliness that some humans push on the rest of us. And on seeing so much further and deeper than the binaries.
Really, reading this was like a warm blanket that somehow also gave my brain a workout. You are very thoughtful and I love having a window into your thoughts.
I'm so very thankful for you, Noha!!
The feeling is mutual, my friend.
Happy birthday friend! Glad you are managing to see beauty. Adding Popol Vuh to my reading list
thanks as always, Anna <3 Hope you and Soda Pop are hanging in there!!
“And they didn’t need to run all over the world to see: they could see everything from just one place.” And in this I also hear that I don’t need to absorb the news, every little detail, from every corner of the world. I can tend to my tiny corner of the universe and know all of it, the ugly and the beautiful and the in between.
Happy birthday, Michael. It is astonishing how much we can hold all at the same time. And how beautiful to be able to express what's weighing on you so movingly.
Thank you Petya!! I'm trying my best haha. I'm excited to read the commonplace journal piece -- I still need to get mine started...
This is beyond beautiful my friend. Although you are sifting through melancholy on your 31st year around our magnificent sun, I am still so grateful to have known you. To this and many more years to come, to beauty and ugliness blended into this one wild life we live, to the mayan gods and their beautiful people (likes of you) - I say, there will be light.
Also to “Where oh where is that beautiful world? Where should I look? How can I become the kind of person who can see in the dark?” I don’t know if its the answer you will be happy to explore but how about - right within you, just close your eyes and you will see all the light and beauty that you couldn’t with your eyes open.
this makes me happy, thank you :') And I agree about looking inside oneself. I'm trying my balance out self-reflection and introspection with a gaze that looks out to the world, because I can absolutely become a hermit if I allow myself to reflect too long haha
Yeah you are right. I tend to feel like home in the state of hermitage haha maybe that’s why I think it’s always the place I go back to when the crookedness of the world overwhelms me. But I love your suggestion of looking at the past and the way of our ancestors too - aren’t they the ones who lived through all the beauty and horror of what life offered them. I want that too, that strength and wisdom.
Happy (belated) golden birthday! I hope you have a year to match. And thank you for this piece -- the writing is emotional and epic.
thank you 💙 those are very kind words, i appreciate it. Just trying to make it til warmer weather, and baseball season…
Happy (belated) golden birthday ✨ January can be a really tough month and I, for one, often fall victim to an extra dose of malaise around my birthday. I hope the weight starts to lift and the small moments of beauty that you find start to add up. Keep looking for the good stuff.
yeah i get so lethargic around my bday, it’s wild how a day that is supposed to be a celebration of oneself actually just becomes a conduit for self-loathing lol. I’m hopeful that the weight will start to lift! honestly, coffee is keeping me going…
I really love your writing Michael and I’ve come to look forward to new posts. Thank you. This was beautiful. I’m just surfacing from a gloom too, the feeling of pointlessness, particularly, was heavy. We have to keep looking for it, don’t we? My own personal phrase is “look up”, I don’t know why but it helps me. I try to keep it quick because I’m also finding too much introspection, for me, can be knee-capping. And I need my knees because I’m going to Scotland in April where there’s walks to walk and a giant sky to see! Happy Birthday. Keep going.
Leah, this is so nice — thank you!! I hope that you’ve fully emerged from that bout of gloom — or are at least nearly fully out of it. And i actually really agree about there being such a thing as too much introspection — self reflection is great, but we should also be primarily looking past ourselves and at the wider world… i’m thankful for you reading and appreciate the kind words so much!!
Happy birthday!! I’m reading Sartre for the first time (Nausea) and some of the feelings in here seem related - that said, January was a brutal month and I hope the axis shifts a bit for you!!
thanks so much!! i’ve actually never read nausea, perhaps i should… i love that whole genre of existentialist literature, sounds right up my alley!!
It's a lot FUNNIER than I expected, actually, but nothing is really propelling you through it (I put it down for like 2 months and then picked it back up, not sure how long it'll take).
i’m gonna read it sometime this year!! and i will let you know when i do!
Happy birthday!!
thank you 🫡🫡🫡
Happy birthday!
Thank you! i am ready for a stiff drink
Me too and it’s NOT my birthday—it’s a beautiful piece you deserve!!!
:') merci
ok well happy birthday 🫡
but an earnest example to me of finding beauty is how hard i laughed yesterday at karla sofia gascon’s racist tweets, which are so outlandishly whimsical and evil they seem to transcend any easy cultural archetype we have
and that’s like lol but it reminds me that i think a good thing about “right now” is that things move fast and “types” and classic problems become a little more novel a little faster than they used to. there are always surprises, be it in how ai is able to fool certain people when to us (normal) it is so aesthetically and pragmatically ridiculous…. it unveils differences between the ways people think in the now. i have very little apocalyptic depression about culture right now (i save that for thinking about myself) and i would describe my reaction to everything more as awe. like wow this is so much dumber than i think anyone ever thought possible. i feel certain, not really at all hopeful, that this total breakdown in epistemologies will beget new worlds. and i’d rather have that than have it be boring in the old ways forever.
wow i hadn't read those tweets until you mentioned them, but christ they're like comically racist, it's absurd. But i actually like how you've framed some of the good things about now. It does feel like we've been on this merry go round, and suddenly it's speeding up and you're watching tons of people being flung from it -- the hopeful thing about that metaphor is that the machine will break, and it totally feels like the old boring ways of doing things culturally are breaking. Of course, i don't want people being legitimately hurt because of that (duh), but it's important that parts of this culture get broken down. I'm reminded of a thing you wrote recently where you mentioned EEAAO and how ~stupid~ the cultural moment surrounding that movie was, and it's genuinely a good thing that the culture of 'just let people enjoy things waah wahhh' is dying, because that mindset was such a sign of cultural decay and unseriousness!! Gotta break some of these things